Date Night
© Craig Fordham
With just a week until our first ’real ‘date, Mr Chisel (who perhaps felt the need to get his own back after all my re- jigging) sent me a text message suggesting that we meet the following Friday evening as opposed to the Saturday afternoon. My counter-offer was that I had managed to procure two tickets to see a show at the BBC and would he like to join me. Whether through curiosity or politeness, he agreed. I figured that at least we would have something to chat about after the show and it would therein act as ideal conversation filler.
Fast forward to Friday night and owing to difficult ex’s last minute schedule summersault, BMF (god bless her) agreed to step in and watch over little one so that big one could get buffed, gleamed and gorgeous, (well, passable at the very least) and out the door on time - tardiness is the enemy of first good impressions don’t you know!
With a flutter in my gut, and a carefully engineered smile on my mug, I arrived at the studio to find a very tall and auburn haired gent standing outside looking rather awkward yet smart in his business suit sans tie. Despite not being my precise conjured image, he was by no means non - presentable...and yep, he was definitely all cheek bones. We made our polite introductions and filed hesitantly inside. I soon realised that he sported a subtle South Hemisphere accent and so commented on its likeness to one of my favourite comedic actors ... it would seem however, that he only vaguely knew of said thespian, and so my hilarious scene re-enactments were made completely redundant.... sadly, this was to be the theme of the evening.
After the show, we walked to a nearby Italian restaurant and sat down to chew the fat. His fat, however, was of an acquired, unpalatable taste and I knew that beyond dinner there would be no surrendering to his borderline OCD behaviour (he bought five mattresses before deciding on the perfect fit!) or his unhealthy relationship with Excel (forgets to go home after 12hrs because he is so engrossed in Excel?). Don’t get me wrong, I love a good night’s slumber and I appreciate how Excel has revolutionised our work lives, but I use just one mattress (second hand too!) and I certainly do not get hot under the collar ( as he appeared to) at the thought of discovering a new Excel task bar, insert drop down, cell style, merge column, data tool, blah, blah... “Oh, would you look at the time, must get home to feed my fish”
A bit harsh you say? A decade ago I would have perhaps given him a second chance, but, as a single mum of the ‘Tennies’, time is of the essence, so unlike those languorous child free days, one must act with foresight, diligence and discerning pragmatism to snare her ideal, not so cold blooded, vertebrate ....Speaking of fish, my perfectly seared salmon went down a treat!
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