Till Death do us Part…or Maybe NOT!
Posted on Friday, November 12th, 2010 at 4:07 PMBy BellaNaija.com
Everyone I know wants to get married! To stand on the altar, in front of family and friends, confess their undying love for their partner and live happily ever after! Now that’s the stuff dreams are made off!But unfortunately, real life after marriage is not quite the fairy tale romance the Cinderella and Snow White stories promised us. Today, more than ever before, there seems to be a higher rate of divorce among young couples. Marriages of only 10, 15, 5 years and even 6 months seem to be the order of the day! Irreconcilable differences and infidelity are just some of the reasons behind most divorce cases.
But these issues in themselves aren’t entirely new. Our parents contended with these problems and more, and today are celebrating 50 years wedding anniversaries! So what’s the difference between the marriages of our parents and the marriages of today?
There are different schools of thought on this issue:
- Some suggest that our microwave generation has no patience. We want things to happen right now and have no patience to fix things when they go wrong.
- Others suggest that women are to blame. Apparently, the 21st century woman, with her education and high-flying career, has forgotten what it means to be a wife and this is the primary cause of arguments in many marriages.
- Some say the men are ‘spoiled for choice’, with too many woman chasing after them and the lack of commitment and willpower to stay faithful.
- We have even heard that ‘it is all spiritual’ and the devil is trying to ruin the institution of marriage!
- While others say this is nothing new! Many of our fathers, mothers, grandmothers and grandfathers were simply ‘suffering & smiling’ through bad marriages.
- Another popular reason that seems to pop up is that people get married for the wrong reasons. Finances, family, pressure and when the foundation isn’t solid, we all know what happens to the building…
But what do YOU think?
Let’s DISCUSS!
Photo Credit: Hello Beautiful
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50 Comments on “BN Hot Topic: Till Death do us Part…or Maybe NOT!”
Comments
others have already said it:
1. it could be that our parents (esp women) had less options and so had to stay in bad marriages.
2. society is more accepting of divorce these days.
2. our parents had more fortitude.
3. our society teaches men to think they are kings and can do whatever foolishness thy feel like.
4. women of today won’t stand for said foolishness – alla that and more
on the topic of love, i have often wondered at what we are thought: there are three types of love – agape (of God), filio (family+friends), eros (lover)… i wonder at eros. because more often than not, we can’t tell the difference between lust and love. there’s a surprisingly fine line between the two.
… to the person who said marriages don’t work because both parties don’t go into it for love. i agree with you and i disagree with you. i agree with you because “love covereth a multitude of sins” and if both people love each other, they would overlook most things for which others would have headed straight for the exit. but i disagree with you because like lady jaye said, sometimes some things have to be placed above love (or so-called love, anyway, when you do figure out what it is) e.g. compatibility, friendship, trust, etc… AND THEN, over time, there is that great quality of love that can blossom between you two. love can grow. love DOES grow. so there are instances where people go into marriages without loving each other, just cos it seems like the sensible thing to do at the time. but as the years pass, they grow to depend totally on and love each other.
… finally, @ topic, there are many sides to this coin. but i really feel one of the greatest contributors to the demise of marriages is going into it for the wrong reasons. mix that up with the pressures created on young women to get married, and well you have quite the disaster. unfortunately, many women, once they see those years adding up, start to lower their standards (and men too, i guess… but this particular issue i’s more a problem with the women than with the men). remember all those standards you set those years ago of attributes of your husband? don’t give up on ever finding him. and in this, i am referring more to character traits than itsy-bitsy details of physical appearance, eg you want your prince charming to be tall dark and handsome… but if your prince charming happens to be packaged in a not-so- tall dark and handsome package, but has every other trait you seek, you best go for it. but what im saying is, those character traits that you desire in your mate, please don’t ompromise on them d’you to any external pressures. you, and only you, would have to deal with the consequences of your actions afterwards, and not those pressuring you to get married.
1. Quite a number of women are not patient.
2. Some men also think they can do any thing and get away with it.
3. Could be spiritual.
4. Marrying for the wrong reasons.
5. Feminisim
And many more reasons…
We really need to go back to understanding what true love is, it may sound simple but to truly love someone is probably the hardest thing to do because you can’t control what you get in return. It takes a life time of patience and understanding, the question is, are we courageous enough to stick to our decisions despite the odds? Some situations are really bad, men beating their pregnant wives and women cheating on their husbands, it really is tough. This is why it is important to find a God fearing partner, who has some standards that you are aware of and is okay by you cause some “God fearing” men definitely think it’s okay to beat their wives so I mean, God – fearing is not the be all and end all, you still have to make sure your are on the same page with values and beliefs and principles. May we all with time and experiences (ours and others) learn the wisdom and patience it takes to really LIVE a fulfilled life.
1. Only people that excel in class are those who want to and study hard, which means sacrificing watching tales by moonlight for lessons pre-exam. Same concept applies to marriages. Only those who are willing to stay in come out tops.
2. Our parents went through similar but without the internet age where diff technology has been made available to materialise our insecurities and thereby leading to destruction. Also, the Naira was stronger than the pound and no major need for oppression, destructive jealousy and extreme materialism leading to promiscuity………..
There is no point over-flogging this issue,all the earlier commentators have said it all but like Rick Ross said in Free mason track, ” I won’t fail but a lot of men will” God help me.Amen.
And sad to say, the fault is entirely that of the men. the very same mistake Adam made in the garden of Eden, many men are still making up till today. And until a man hands over his life fully to God, he will only behave like his forefather Adam, like father like son. Men are chosen by God to be the Head of the home. Just like Adam was told to do in the Garden of Eden, men are to tend, nurture and keep their homes. But Adam failed, and most men are failing today. Unfortunately, there is no traditional or cultural framework in place that will teach men their righful roles, expect perhaps in the church. I say perhaps because that institution too is failing where marriage is concerned. The ultimate is that, a wise man is he that nurtures his wife and home by humbling himself and having a direct relationship with God. That is the only way he too can earn the love and respect of a Good Solid Woman (i.e educated, God fearing, financially secure, sexy- totally whole) . When a man treats his woman like the Queen that she really is, then he should just wait and watch how his own Kingship with blossom naturally. May God help the men of today, because it is as they are laying their beds, that they are laying on it. When men complain about women, they are only reacting to the Monsters thay have helped to create. Its mostly a direct case of remove the log in your own eye before removing the speck in the eye of another. God is a wise God. the complete love a man expresses to his wife, is what enables her to naturally submit to him. But todays Guys want submission first. That cant happen in most cases because God did not plan it that way. Everyone needs a complete change of attitude. Then and only then will peace reign in many homes.
I won’t pretend to know what kills marriages nowadays…to me, that should be a case-by-case study. what i know is this…if you wanna find true love, you have to be ready to have trust someone, and show them love without calculating. as a friend told me…’i've been hurt many times, but i’m not giving up on love…after all, if I stop loving, how will I recognise my soulmate’?
My point is, if we stop calculating and start loving, maybe we will open our hearts to feel true love, and our eyes to recognise liars and cheats…
2. Let everyone be faithful and if it is difficult to be, tell your spouse to sit up.
3. As a married woman, let the husband and kids come first. If you can’t cope, have only two kids. There can’t be two captains in a ship ever. The woman can always go full time into her career at a more suitable time.
4. Let Africans (especially mother-in-laws) accept that all kids are equally special, boy or girl and that adoption is wonderful.And men it is not unmanly to cook for your own tummy and the kids’ own when the wife is tired. If you want a freak in bed you have to be willing to pay for external help to do regular cleaning (using househelp is child abuse) or make similar sacrifice. Nothing good come easy.
5. Everyone was born to work,to fulfill destiny including women. Nobody was born to be a slave forever. Lets change our mentality.
6. Let Africans know that its cool for a woman to be rich without necessarily being a wife or a prostitute.
7. .. I am tired *grin